Baja 2019 Day 1

Last night, well technically in the wee hours of this morning, we arrived at our hotel in San Diego.  We will make the trek into Baja Norte tomorrow morning.  Today was a decompression day.  I think since school started we've just been going, going, going. We needed a day of doing absolutely nothing.

In fact, yesterday at home when I was packing, preparing and crying over stupid stuff, I really felt out of control.  True, I put too much pressure on myself to get it all done in a short amount of time.  But when I simply needed to add some clothes to the washer that had already started and the blasted door would NOT unlock, I melted into a puddle in the floor.  Crazy?!  I quickly texted a friend and asked if she was faring better  - - only to find out the same emotive weirdness was happening to her as she was also prepping to head down with us to Mexico.  If ever I felt an attack of the enemy, this was it.  We prayed.

Then on our way down to the airport I switched on a playlist from from my phone.  I needed the Spirit to take over.  My flesh was losing!  The first song that popped up?

Only Jesus— Casting Crowns
(lyrics to the chorus)
  --And I - I - I, I don't want to leave a legacy
    I don't care if they remember me
    Only Jesus
    And I - I- I, I've only got one life to live
    I'll let every second point to Him
    Only Jesus

(see video below)


Well, that refreshed me.  Then the next song had me crying (again).  Good tears this time, though.  It was the song that played during Eric's funeral, during the slides showing him alive and with a smile on his face.  "Who Am I", also from Casting Crowns.

(lyrics from verse 1)
  --Who am I, that the lord of all the earth
     Would care to know my name
     Would care to feel my hurt?
     Who am I, that the bright and morning star
     Would choose to light the way
     For my ever wandering heart?

(from the chorus)....Still you hear me when I'm calling
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling
And you've told me who I am
I am yours....

So is the God of the Universe hearing my cries?  Absolutely.  Of this I am sure.   Why don't I always hear Him?  Maybe I'm just not listening.  Or maybe I'm trying to cram too much into my day so that I don't have time to listen.  Or maybe what He's telling me to do is something I just don't want to hear.

I started reading a book by Rosaria Butterfield today, "The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert".  So far, this is a fascinating read.  Butterfield was a former lesbian, tenured professor of women's studies in Syracuse. A pastor and his wife befriended her and did not try to immediately convert her, but cared for her.  I want to show that kind of compassion for those who are different than me.  In Chapter 2 she talks about how she realized sexual sin is really no worse than other sin--contrary to what she had assumed.  In fact, with the backdrop of Sodom and Gomorrah in Ezekiel 16:48-52, she figured out that sexual sin is just a symptom of other more obvious sins: pride, love of wealth, lack of mercy, lack of discretion and modesty.  What I'm learning in all of this is that it is God's job to convict people of sin and cause them to repent.  I am called to love.  Again.  That's it.  It's easy to love those that are easy to love.  So what about trying to go deeper and love someone that is harder to love?  What sacrifice is this for me compared to what Christ has done?

Romans 5:7-8 "For one will scarcely die for a righteous person - - though perhaps for a good person one would dare to die -- BUT GOD shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."